It’s Okay. You Don’t Have to Repress Your Emotions. 沒關係，情緒不壓抑也是可以的

Written by Teresa Wang, MHCLP
Oct, 2024

The Issue of Emotional Repression

Growing up in a culture that values harmony more than individual needs, I was not surprised to find myself very good at emotional repression (a.k.a bottled-up). Sometimes, I find myself having a hard time in my day-to-day life, only to realize after years of training in the mental health field that it has A LOT to do with how I cope with emotions.

Repressing emotions can have a variety of negative impacts, as emotions that are not processed properly can affect your overall well-being and create problems in relationships. It might look like not knowing how to express or articulate your feelings or needs — like being angry but not knowing how to explain your thought process to others, which results in increased stress, anxiety, or depression. It could also mean feeling uncomfortable or avoiding communication with your partner, friends, coworkers, or family, and instead quietly finishing the work without addressing what’s bothering you. This may cause you to hold grudges towards others, ultimately harming the relationship. Or it might be that when people ask how you’re feeling, you become defensive about the question. Additionally, you may find it difficult to be intimate with others because you can’t connect with them on a deeper level, which can create a sense of loneliness

Repressing emotions is a coping mechanism, likely learned since childhood, either consciously or unconsciously, to avoid feeling pain or discomfort. You may have often been judged or criticized as a kid when expressing feelings like sadness, anger, frustration, disappointment, worry, or fear.

Imagine you were crying because you were hurt, and an adult said

“Stop complaining.”
“What happened to me was 10 times worse.”
“You have to be grateful.”
“Just keep being positive.”
“Stop crying. It’s not a big deal.”

This experience might have taught you that your emotions were not valid! You probably learned to feel ashamed about feeling negatively. You learned to view your feelings as not valuable or deserving of being heard or validated. Therefore, you’ve learned to repressing emotions to avoid dealing with the same painful feelings again.

New Ways to Process and Cope with Difficult Emotions

Once we realize how repressing our emotions affects us, it’s important to find new ways to face our feelings and express them in a healthy way. It can feel vulnerable, but taking this step is really important for our emotional well-being.

Well, negative emotions are not necessarily bad things! You may have learned they are, and you may feel that way, but stay with me. You are a human. Having emotions is part of what makes us human. Feeling angry means you actively want to fix something that’s wrong in your environment. Feeling frustrated means you’ve done the best you can. Feeling sad means you care and value something beyond yourself. Having emotions is one of the most inherently human experiences. It’s a gift that allows us to explore the depth of meaningful connections with ourselves, others, and the world.

I understand the difficulty of trusting that this world is safe for your feelings again since you’ve been hurt and disappointed so many times. You experience all of this not because you’ve done something wrong, but because the people who hurt you were on their own journey of healing.

Even though facing emotions can feel uncomfortable, it’s worth it. It can help you have better relationships, feel less stressed, and connect more deeply with yourself and others. When we allow ourselves to feel and express our emotions, we open the door to a sense of freedom that comes from being truly understood.

What would it look like if we showed kindness and empathy to ourselves? What would it look like to allow yourself to stay in the emotions for just a little while, despite how uncomfortable it is? How would it feel to try saying how you feel without labeling it as good or bad?

“I feel angry because my boss treat me like I am not important”. “ I feel embarrassed and sad when my friend didn’t invite me to their dinner party”.

You would probably feel, well, heard, right? Then what about buying yourself your favorite flavor of ice cream? What about screaming or writing down everything on your mind, even if it’s rude or mean? All of these actions serve to tell yourself that, “Hey, I’m here. I hear you. It’s okay to feel this way. I am going to stay with you until you start to feel better.”

From there, we slowly open up to others about our feelings. It’s a really uncomfortable and vulnerable step. However, learning to process and cope with uncomfortable emotions by addressing, validating, and eventually communicating them to others is an essential skill for thriving.

Remember, taking care of your emotions is a journey, and every small step counts. Today, try allowing yourself to feel and name just one emotion. I’m here with you, and you deserve to be heard.

壓抑情緒的問題

成長在一個重視和諧多於個人需求的文化中，我並不驚訝自己非常擅長情緒壓抑（也就是“憋住”）。有時，我在日常生活中感到困難，直到經過多年在心理健康領域的訓練後才意識到，這與我如何應對情緒有很大關係。

壓抑情緒會導致多種負面影響，因為沒有得到適當處理的情緒會影響整體的身心健康，並在關係中引發問題。它可能表現為不知道如何表達或闡述自己的感受或需求 — — 比如你感到憤怒，但不知道如何向他人解釋自己的想法，這會導致壓力增加，甚至引發焦慮或抑鬱。它也可能表現為在和伴侶、朋友、同事或家人交流時感到不舒服，或者乾脆避免溝通，轉而默默完成工作，卻不提及讓你感到不安的事情。又或者，當別人問你感覺如何時，你對這個問題感到防備。此外，你可能發現自己難以與他人建立深層次的聯繫，這使你感到孤獨。

壓抑情緒是一種應對機制，可能從小就學會了，無論是有意識還是無意識的，都是為了避免感受到痛苦或不適。小時候，當你表達悲傷、憤怒、沮喪、失望、擔憂或恐懼等情緒時，你可能經常被批評或指責。

想像一下，你因為受傷而哭泣，一位成年人對你說：

“別抱怨了。”
“我經歷的比你糟糕十倍。”
“你要懂得感恩。”
“保持積極。”
“別哭了，沒什麼大不了的。”

這樣的經歷可能會讓你覺得自己的情緒不被認可！你可能學會對負面情緒感到羞愧，認為自己的感受不重要、不值得被傾聽或被認可。因此，你學會了壓抑情緒，以避免再度面對同樣的痛苦感受。

如何以新的方式處理和應對困難情緒

一旦我們意識到壓抑情緒對我們的影響，就需要找到新的方式去面對情緒並健康地表達它們。這可能會讓我們感到脆弱，但採取這一步對我們的情緒健康非常重要。

其實，負面情緒不一定是壞事！你可能學會認為它們是壞的，並且也會感到如此，但請繼續聽我說。你是人類，而擁有情感是我們作為人類的一部分。感到憤怒意味著你積極地想修復環境中的不對之處；感到沮喪意味著你已經盡了最大的努力；感到悲傷意味著你關心和重視自己以外的事物。擁有情感是最具人性的一種體驗。它是一份禮物，讓我們能夠探索與自己、他人及世界之間深刻而有意義的聯繫。

我理解要再次相信這個世界對你的情感是安全的並不容易，因為你已經經歷了那麼多次的傷害和失望。你所經歷的這些並不是因為你做錯了什麼，而是因為那些傷害你的人也在他們自己的療癒旅程中。

即使面對情緒讓人感到不適，但這是值得的。它可以幫助你建立更好的關係，減輕壓力，並更加深入地與自己和他人聯繫。當我們允許自己去感受和表達情緒時，我們為真正被理解而帶來的自由感打開了大門。

如果我們對自己表現出善意和同理心，會是什麼樣子？如果你允許自己在情緒中停留一會兒，儘管這讓人不舒服，會是什麼樣子？如果嘗試不為情緒貼上“好”或“壞”的標籤，只是表達自己感受，會是什麼感覺？

“我感到憤怒，因為我的老闆對我不重視。”
“當我的朋友沒有邀請我參加他們的晚宴時，我感到尷尬和難過。”

你可能會覺得 — — 被傾聽了，對吧？那麼，為什麼不給自己買一杯最喜歡的口味的冰淇淋呢？大聲喊叫或者把腦海中的一切寫下來，即使這些想法很粗魯或刻薄？所有這些行為都是在告訴自己：“嘿，我在這裡。我聽到了你的感受。感到這樣是可以的。我會陪著你，直到你開始感覺好一些。”

從向自己敞開開始，我們逐漸向他人敞開心扉，表達自己的感受。這是一個非常不舒服且脆弱的步驟。然而，通過表達、驗證，最終與他人溝通來處理和應對不適情緒，是一項至關重要的技能。

記住，照顧自己的情緒是一個旅程，每一個小步驟都很重要。今天，試著讓自己去感受並說出一種情緒。我在這裡陪著你，你值得被傾聽。

(中文翻譯由 ChatGPT（由 OpenAI 開發的人工智慧語言模型）於 2024/10/6 生成）